end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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