he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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