I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize