You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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