I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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