Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
