That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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