Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
