she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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