Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
