apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
