It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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