Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
