Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
