I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
