I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
