Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"it" just moved
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
