Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
