There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
