she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
