I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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