Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
