I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
