Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
