I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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