Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
