ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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