in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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