I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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