I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
