You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
