I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
