good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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