I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
