matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
