Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
