hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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