Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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