Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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