just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
