so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
