I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We need a shit load of segways right now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize