he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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