They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
