god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
