none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
