This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize