What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
