I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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