dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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