Your dad touched me again.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
pray to the hookup gods
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
