he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
