Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
