I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
