Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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