I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
