If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
