I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
