I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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