She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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