If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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