P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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