i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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