New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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