BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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