we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
