im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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