We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
