So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My ass is underappreciated
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
