I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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