And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
