I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
