a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
